


14. I made a mistake. + 23. I immediately regret this decision.

by KittenKin



Series: Drabble Prompt Fills [4]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Fluff, For Science!, Humor, M/M, Sherlock Holmes and Experiments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:01:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23073637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittenKin/pseuds/KittenKin
Summary: Warning for the boys talking about controlled substances and how criminals use them. It's really a silly, fluffy, sweet ficlet but if you don't like even hearing about this sort of stuff mentioned, please stay safe and don't read. The basic summary of the ficlet is that Sherlock is experimenting in the kitchen with many good intentions, John is helping because he also has good intentions, and then…well, the prompts happen.
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Series: Drabble Prompt Fills [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1605655
Comments: 4
Kudos: 90





	14. I made a mistake. + 23. I immediately regret this decision.

“Oh,” Sherlock breathes, and the way John visibly snaps to full-body attention without actually moving would be absolutely riveting, except that the consulting detective and amateur scientist is a little too caught up in his error to pay much mind.

“What,” John grinds out, already understanding from the tone of that exhalation that this experiment has taken on a distinctly pear-like shape. This is not Sherlock’s I’ve-solved-it “oh” or his what-a-disappointingly-pedestrian-conclusion “oh” or even his well-now-this-seems-intriguing “oh”. This is the “oh” that in others generally precedes “shit” or “fuck”.

“I may have made a slight–”

“ _Sherlock._ ”

There’s a quick flinch at John’s tone. Just as the blond is familiar with the varieties of his flatmate’s exclamations, Sherlock is the premier expert on all the ways John Watson can say a person’s name. It’s a matter of survival, really. And the one that’s been trotted out now is the low growl with a slight rise in inflection toward the end that makes it a question, except that it’s less a query and more of a “you understand that if you don’t give me what I want _right goddamn now_ , it means an exquisitely slow and painful death, don’t you?”

“We drank from the wrong vials,” Sherlock blurts. “The neutralizers are still in the centrifuge.“

John actually looks a little relieved at this.

“Oh, okay. Well, which home-made date rape drug did we just knock back? We’ll just drink the matching neutralizer right away. A difference in which one is ingested first shouldn’t…” He trails off as he catches sight of the uncomfortable wince.

“…what.”

“I…already peeled the labels off,” Sherlock confesses. “I wanted to run the experiment blind and then do blood draws to determine–”

“You WHAT?!”

“The neutralizers will work! I know they will! I wouldn’t have been compromised at all, so I would have been completely capable of safely and effectively drawing a blood sample!”

“THAT’S NOT WHAT I’M ANGRY ABOUT SHERLOCK!”

“Oh.”

The John-you’re-being-disappointingly-ordinary “oh” only serves to ratchet up the tension in the room, and Sherlock attempts to diffuse it somewhat.

“One of these is only alcohol, and I managed to re-engineer most of the others to have very mild side effects, so mathematically speaking–”

“Even a one percent chance of having just quaffed the results of the Sherlock Holmes Brew Your Own MDMA kit is too high, you tit! Why’d you even drink yours anyway?! We were supposed to take it in turns!”

“Well…”

“Forget it! Look, what are the possible negative effects of drinking all of the neutralizers at once?”

Sherlock tips his head up to the ceiling, needing a nice, plain, distraction-free drawing board on which to do some hasty calculations.

“None, really,” he posits after a moment.

“Good, perfect,” John mutters, and there’s some clinking and cursing.

“I already tested their interactions with each other and the chemicals were perfectly stable.”

“Right, here, drink this,” John orders, and grabs his hand to press a mug into it. Sherlock obediently drops his gaze from the ceiling and swallows down the small amount of liquid. Huh. Not tea.

“If they were all equally effective I was simply going to mix them all together for the second round of experiments,” Sherlock continues, “which would have been to test for the lowest effective volume against the usual dosage administered in assault cases.”

Sherlock seeks out John’s face to see if there’s approval or awe there; a habit he’s barely even aware of by this point. John is watching him, but there’s a tiny crinkle of a frown instead of open admiration. One bit of Sherlock’s mind peels off to ponder over this expression, half-hidden by the mug raised to John’s lips.

“Because of course people wouldn’t be able to simply quaff a full dose of each neutralizer all at onceJohn _whatdidwejustdrink?!_ ”

“…a full dose of each neutralizer all at once.”

“Oh,” Sherlock breathes, and this time John closes his eyes and sighs in the manner of a man trying to come to terms with death.

“How long do we have?”

“Not very long at all, I’m afraid.” Sherlock then dissolves into an extended giggle fit, then straightens up in surprise once he realizes what he’s doing. “Oh, mine just kicked in.”

“Sherlock? I need you to pay attention, all right?”

“Yes John?” Sherlock asks sweetly, giving John a picture perfect Disney princess smile. It sends chills of horror up and down the doctor’s spine.

“What happens to someone who drinks a full dose of all the neutralizers at once?”

“It’s a seeecret~”

“Are we in any danger?” John grinds out from between his clenched teeth.

“Yes!” Sherlock nods eagerly, happy that John has thought ahead to the proper conclusions. “The alcohol industry will stop at _nothing_ to keep this hushed up, John! The big com…corp…compilations will spend billions attempting to have us destroyed or…or… _deaded_ in one way or another, to say nothing of what the drug trade will do. We’ll have solicitors howling for our blood and assassins…oh, probably also after our blood. John, did you know that an assassination has two asses in it?”

“What are you talking about, you silly git?” John chortled, having fallen prey to his cocktail while listening.

“The neuralizers, John! They’ll nebulize every date rape drug, but when mixed together and then drinked all together, they act like a drug too. Like a…a…sheep in wolf’s wool. But I’m a genius, so there’s hardly any ill effects! It’s a clean, non-addictive high, John! I’m _amazing!_ ”

“Yes you are! But drugs are bad, Sherlock.” John is smiling up at him but trying to frown at the same time, which makes him look rather constipated.

Sherlock gets a little tangled up attempting to puzzle out this facial expression, but then notices the good doctor shaking his finger at him. Ah, he’s being chastised. Sherlock is sad about this, and hangs his head.

“I’m sorry, John.”

“It’s okay sweetheart,” John declares magnanimously, and envelopes him in a bear hug which is very nice indeed. “Just don’t do any drugs, okay? It makes me sad.”

“Okay John,” Sherlock agrees wholeheartedly. Who needs drugs when they have a John? “I don’t need drugs anymore anyway.”

“Right, you’ve got your Work to keep you happy.” John nods along in Sherlock’s right armpit. It tickles a bit.

“No, silly silly John. I have the Work to keep me _busy_. I have _you_ to keep me happy!”

John lets go of him for the sole purpose of being able to draw him into a great big hug once more.

“Good! That’s good, Sherlock. You make me happy too.”

“Even when I make you go all shouty and frowny?” Sherlock asks wistfully.

“Yep. That’s just when I’m worried you’ll get hurt or something. Mostly you just make me happy. And tea. You make me tea.”

“And coffee with no drugs in it.” Sherlock hums happily and rocks them side to side in a blissful, blundering dance.

“Drugs are bad,” John intones.

“And people who put drugs in drinks are _very_ bad.”

“The _worst_.”

“And that’s why we’re making no-no-lizers!”

John celebrates this by dragging Sherlock’s face down and nuzzling their noses together. He does it so enthusiastically that it sort of hurts, but pulls back before Sherlock has to complain about his cartilage.

“You’re _amazing_ , Sherlock,” John declares, and it fills Sherlock up with so much contentment that he thinks he might burst.

“I love you so so so much John,” he says earnestly, in order to relieve a little of the pressure.

“Good,” John replies simply. “I love you too.”

Oh! Yay!

“I’m hungry,” John then decides. “Let’s get Chinese.”

“Okay! Takeaway or go get?”

“Fresh air sounds lovely; let’s go out.”

“Okay! Pearl Garden or Wong’s?”

“Pearl Garden sounds prettier.”

“Okay!”

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

 **Note in experiment folder:** In addition to disinhibition on par with consuming eight servings of alcohol, subjects experienced some expressive dysphasia while the neutralizers remained in the system. Some xerostomia was noted upon waking the next morning, however this may have been due to poor hydration in the hours preceding. Further testing required. As theorized, the combined neutralizers have none of the following side effects; presyncope, disequilibrium, nausea, ataxia, excessive somnolence, dyspnea, arrythmia, bradycardia, tachycardia, syncope, and amnesia.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = 

**Note on refrigerator door:** Can confirm no amnesia and slight xerostomia. Expressive dysphasia was only in you. Also our recollections of proposing to each other with walnut prawns seem to be accurate. Anthea just dropped off papers and a stack of CCTV stills tucked into a congratulatory muffin basket. My prawn was still in my shirt pocket, by the way. You may want to sort out your laundry instead of letting it pile up as usual. I'll be in my room eating muffins in bed if you want to talk about any of this.


End file.
